By Mercedes Kirkel

A dear friend of mine recently went through the unexpected death of her husband. I did a life-coaching session with her to help her release the trauma she experienced around her loss. During the session, she had an interaction with Mother Mary, which she didn’t fully understand at the time. Later, after listening to my radio show [The Magdalene Hour With Mercedes Kirkel], my friend wrote me this email, sharing the exciting and deeply meaningful breakthrough she’d had. With her generous permission, I share her letter below, because it’s filled with wisdom for all of us. I hope you find it as valuable and moving as I did.

I really enjoyed your radio show. At the end something interesting happened. Do you remember when we did the trauma work and Mary handed me a white, glowing, throbbing ball? I experienced it as a cross between a baby and a heart, and I tucked it into my own heart.

I asked Mary a couple times what it was, but didn’t get an answer. Then right at the very end of your radio show I suddenly understood. She had handed me my pain. The white ball was my pain—that was her gift to carry in my heart.

I thought more about the pain and what exactly it is. I realized it’s that I got disconnected from the love in my marriage. In being married for thirty-five years to a man I loved, I let myself slip out of awareness and forgot to a large degree how much I loved him. I mean I always knew it, but it was dialed way down in the background. I was much more aware of irritation, annoyance, anger, fear, judgment, boredom, etc., than of the profound love I had for him. And I think he did the same with me.

We both fell into a kind of shyness around each other about expressing our love often and out loud, which is sort of strange, but I think it’s common. I think there can be a kind of shyness when two lives are so intimately wound and you talk about every practical matter under the sun. It gets hard to switch into a mode where you’re expressing your deep passionate love. It’s almost like it’s embarrassing or somehow inappropriate. I think it’s much easier in part-time, distant, semi-fantasy relationships—like the ones we both had in the past—to let the passion flow freely.

So the love between us got blocked and semi-buried, until the searing pain of his loss brought it back to the surface. Since he’s not here anymore, I don’t get the chance to heal the pain with him in this lifetime—not in the same way as if he were still on earth—which is another aspect of the pain. It makes sense now that the pain is my gift from Mary. If I can carry it, and continue to feel it, and stay aware of it, I have a chance to remember to stay aware of love in my life—not just for him, but for everyone I love. I have a chance to let people know how much I love them, to drop the inhibition, to remind them and myself that I love them, and not let things go unsaid or partially said.

What Yeshua said in your recent channeling about God’s love in relationships feels very powerful for me right now. When I blocked my love for my husband, I blocked God’s love coming through each of us to the other.  It’s similar to what you said on your radio show that by doubting you were channeling Mary Magdalene, you were doubting God. I still wish my husband could have lived, but if he had I would most likely have continued on the same path of blocked love.

I know it’s way too soon, but I want so much to have another chance at a love partnership in this lifetime—a chance to keep love in the forefront instead of taking it for granted, forgetting it, letting it get overshadowed by day-to-day concerns, habits, irritations. A chance to stay awake in it.

I send love to you. Thanks for doing what you do.

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Copyright 2013 Mercedes Kirkel, http://www.mercedeskirkel.com, All Rights Reserved. Please copy and share this article as long as it is shared in its entirety, including this copyright notice, and the information is not altered, excerpted, or added to; credit of authorship and my website address (www.mercedeskirkel.com) is included; and no money is exchanged. For any other uses, please contact Mercedes Kirkel to obtain permission. Thank you.

Mercedes Kirkel is an award-winning author and spiritual channel, bringing forth messages and instruction from Mary Magdalene and other Beings of Light. Her new book, Mary Magdalene Beckons: Join the River of Love is available at www.marymagdalenebeckons.com. All messages and practices are universal and are not affiliated with any religion.

To receive ongoing messages from Mary Magdalene and other Beings of Light through Mercedes, go to www.mercedeskirkel.com and request to be added to the mailing list.

Mercedes offers workshops and private sessions in Santa Fe, New Mexico, including Evolve Life Coaching, Guidance from Beings of Light, Spiritual Instruction and Support, and Light-Filled Intimacy™ Instruction. She is available in-person or long distance (by phone and Skype), or to travel to your location. For more information, go to www.mercedeskirkel.com.